Authentic Loving Detachment: The Art of Being Kind Anyway
Are you ready for the holiday and family gatherings?
Do you find yourself needing to prepare your heart and soul for the upcoming holiday season even now? You’re not alone. Loving detachment can be a wonderful way to practice the art of being kind even in the “I don’t prefer this person” moments.
It’s not just family gatherings. There are holiday parties and work parties and … the list goes on. You’re human. I’m human. We will encounter people we don’t always prefer to be around. It doesn’t matter why. It’s just there.
Studies show that there is more wrapped up in family gatherings than just eating a meal. Things like obligation and guilt despite family tensions are still occurring and will most likely keep occurring until everyone dies. That’s just the way it is.
But … not everyone is buying into the narrative. Recent research shows that millennials are changing the obligatory narrative and focusing on their own wellness and mental health. Where do you fit into that?
What’s that you say? You’re not a millennial, but you’re still feeling the need or obligation to gather despite family dysfunction?
Maybe practicing loving detachment is the key for you.
Your heart must become a sea of love. Your mind must become a river of detachment.
—Sri Chinmoy
The word “loving” refers to engaging with others without judgment. Remind yourself what stories you’re telling yourself when you sense that you are moving into the judgment zone.
Look beyond the surface
Where is that judgment coming from? Is the first impression misleading or incomplete? Maybe taking a step back to look beyond the surface will help you learn a bit more about the person. Maybe you’ll learn they have some hidden talents, admirable qualities, or an interesting story to share.
Come up with gracious and creative ways to turn your heart toward them. Practice being curious and open to foster a sense of connection with that person, even if it’s challenging. Keep your heart open while protecting yourself from ingesting their toxicity.
Practice empathy
This is critical for loving detachment. Imagine yourself in the other person’s shoes. Do your best to understand their situation and respond with kindness. Try not to dismiss them or judge them. Sometimes taking the time to understand their motives, struggles, and perspectives can be a more nurturing and mature approach for you and the other person.
Boundaries
Thank God for those, right?
If the word “loving” refers to engaging without judgment and “detachment” refers to how each person decides to act and react, then, loving detachment is for the “I don’t prefer this person” moments.
Take deep breaths and remind yourself, “I’m gonna be kind anyway.” Lather them with grace and mercy. They are in a process just like you’re in a process. You’re each in your own lanes of progress and process. Their pace looks slightly or extremely different than yours, but you’re both adults and you’re doing life a certain way.
Maybe creating boundaries means you leave the gathering early.
Letting go
A few questions to ask yourself:
Am I expecting more from this person than I need to?
Am I expecting them to act in a certain way because of my own narrative?
Is there more to my level of expectation that I would be best to let go of?
Forgiveness is a powerful component of loving detachment and letting go. When you forgive someone you release yourself from the attachment to anger and resentment. Who wants that during a holiday gathering much less any other day of the week, right?
Forgiveness does not mean you have to agree or condone the behavior of another person. It means you choose to let go of your negative emotions so you can move forward in love.
The gift to yourself and others
Let each person move at their pace. Let each person choose their own lane. Don’t feel like you have to bump into them while they’re happy in their lane. Just stay in your lane and be kind.
May your holidays be full of inner peace and a new understanding of how you can bring Love, Grace, and Mercy to the table. In fact, why not bring a casserole of love, grace, and mercy and let everyone eat from it?
Peace and Love, y’all. ✌🏽🫶🏽
May you know that you are loved because you matter.
May your soul be refreshed.
sdg © Nancy Blackman